HELP! I'm bulimic and am having gastric sleeve!

I am new here and this issue is the main reason I'm here. I'm 25. I'm pre-op I reached weigh in today and they will submit to my insurance and I should be able to schedule a date before December. They are scheduling into December at the moment so my surgery will most likely be mid to late December. I just decided on the sleeve but through my pre op journey I was set on the bypass. I changed my mind recently. The issue is that when trying to reach the weight they wanted me at I hit a plateau and decided that I was going to just be bulimic until I reached the right now. I started b/ping in august. Nobody knows. Everyone thinks that I hit goal weight the right way (diet, exercise). Here's the thing. I stopped today. But I'm afraid that bulimia will kill me while I'm on the surgery table. I have been pre op since January so it's been almost a full year. Everyone has been so supportive and my mother has gone out of her way to get me to all my far away appointments since I don't drive and live an hour away from the hospital I'm getting my surgery. I don't want to let anyone down. But there was so much pressure to get to this stupid weight before surgery and so I caved under the pressure and I'm afraid it's going to cost me my life. I'm afraid that even if I now go on a healthy diet and try to kind of make up for the bulimia it's too late. I'm going to die in surgery and the complication is going to be from my pre op bulimia choice. I just really hate myself right now because I have so much anxiety and it's all my fault. It all made since in my head. I plateaued, i threw up everything I ate, I lost weight again and continued to lose weight, then get on a healthy diet before surgery to make sure my body can handle it. I've looked online for answers but no clear answers. I just want to know if I'm safe/not safe. I know bulimia's harm on the body, I know it's bad, I know I shouldn't have done it. I'm not looking for a mommy or a daddy. I'm looking for a clear answer. Some kind of peace of mind.

Talk to your doctor about it....

That's the thing. I would if I didn't think I was going to get set back in anyway. I would be there instead of here. For example, if I talk to my doctor about it. I just want a check up and if I'm okay then I want to be able to proceed. If I do have to wait for surgery I have to think of a really golden excuse because everyone is all proud of me and thinks I'm getting surgery very soon.

Online, I've read posts by people who suffer from bulimia who have also had WLS.

And it never seems to end well.

Very often, WLS puts them in a place where they cannot stop losing. Recently, I read of one woman who was entering a 90-day residential treatment program for eating disorders because she could not make herself stop losing.

Honestly, you should be in therapy right now -- not having WLS.

Lying to your doctors (by not telling them ...) about your eating disorder is the wrong way to go.

Eventually, you'll have to face this problem and find treatment for it. Face it now, while your body is stronger than it will be a year from now. You think your body is weak now? You don't want to find out how bad things can get after losing another 100 (?) pounds by restricting / starving yourself more than any WLS surgeon EVER intended you to starve yourself!

I understand, thank you for your concern. I really do appreciate it. I am in therapy. I have been off and on bulimic for the past few months but now that I've reached the weight they want me at so I'm done. I just wanted to get that weight off to get them off my back. I feel perfectly fine. I don't feel weak or anything. I feel well. That's the positive part about this at least. Is that I've read posts from other people online about being bulimic and everyone says that they don't have energy or anything but I'm guessing they have a serious case of bulimia. I can still get around fine and actually have more energy now that I got some of this weight off. I can do a lot of stuff I used to not be able to do. I hated being bulimic for even that short time. I think that's why it was so off and on. I would go a while without doing it because i didn't feel like it. I feel really relieved now that they weighed me so I can go be normal again. I feel bad because I know it doesn't work that way with a lot of bulimics and they get addicted and suffer mentally and physically. My mood has been good, my sleep has been good, I ate good balanced meals today and it felt great. I know most bulimics feel bad when they eat I guess. My friend is bulimic and she goes through this so my ability to just be like "eh I'm done." and be able to stop is something she said she wishes she could do. I also think she gets upset when I call myself bulimic because she mentioned that I don't know what it's like. I can't disagree with her I don't know what she's going through. But I get off topic. Just my mind at work I guess.

Bulimia is something that's very difficult to "be done with." I think it's extremely important that you share this information with the doctor, and get into therapy. I facilitate my local support groups, and have met people both pre-op and post-op, who struggle with this addiction. Unfortunately, it never turns out very positively without therapy and support. I think you would run into many problems after surgery without some type of therapy, which is not possible until you can admit what's going on with the medical professionals that are treating you.

Good luck with making your decision, but personally speaking, being a normal weight is awesome but being ill from the complications of bulimia is very dangerous and possibly deadly.

I really am done though. I talked to my therapist. He asked me about my mood: great asked me if I still feel like purging: I never felt like purging! How are you sleeping?: good Do you have healthy meals planned? : yes How's your anxiety?: fine except when confronting the unknown. However, he can't tell me if my body can withstand surgery or not and that's what I wannnnnnt to knooow so anyways. Forget it I guess. I really am done. I reached that weight and now they are off my back. That's all I wanted was to get my damn foot in the door. I'm not purging anymore because I don't have any use for it and won't have any use for it. I'm living my life now a if I never purged in the first place. I think because there was no mental reason I was doing it. I wasn't doing for control or whatever. I ate a healthy breakfast and now goin to eat a healthy lunch. It's irritating when people don't understand what your saying. I know it's hard to believe but seriously. I'm done. It's like my brother when he quit smoking. One day he said "I'm done" and never went back. It's possible to just be done with things. It may be rare but possible. But just forget it.

Okie doke.

I'm forgetting it.

Good luck.

I was hoping you came here for some advice or suggestions, but I can see your mind is already made up about being "okay." Good luck...

It sound like you don't need the weight-loss surgery. You've already found another way to loose weight. :/

you are 25. this is a big surgery. You will be dealing with eating issues for a long time, it is a process..
i was bullimic in my teens and early 20s..years later i got over it..and slowly then over the years gained a lot of weight .now i am 61..and have not been bullimic for years and got the sleeve..but it is a lot of work to eat, to be aware of your body to hear what it wants..and all of that..this is not an easy fix..it is work..

at 25 you should be healthy enough to have this surgery if you have only been bullimic for months and not years..however, you need to understand that this is a big deal..i agree with ann when she said you may have problems later loosing too much..
so you need to work and keep working on your mindset, your thinking..
so just keep going to counseling. if you are going to do this..get a good support group a good dr...and know that this is the begining of your life..you have many years ahead of you for good healthy habits instead of the desparate ones you have been choosing..
good luck!.

My sister was bulimic before surgery and could still be for all I know. She started throwing up at the age of 15 then stopped at around 50 and then blew up and then had the by pass years ago when it first came out. She is now 62 and might be a size 2 right now. Very skinny but looks like she is 75. She smoked before the surgery when her Dr's told her she wasn't suppose to but she lied. Being thin was the most important thing to her and all cost. But the part about being healthy has never been and that has been her choice.

Bottom line, in life you have to control your actions, decisions, health, and choices. There are a number of ways to invest yourself... be it food, yoga, walking, reading, working, TV, smoking, gardening, etc...when you have peace within yourself it will surface which comes from choices that help bring you there. Explore the unknown because you are so young and realize that you can accomplish a healthy weight without throwing up or using other means to staying thin. The smaller sleeve is a great tool and if that is all you will need to help you eat smaller portions then embrace it and let go of everything else and the past.

It sounds like you got where you are because of desperation to please...now try to work on pleaseing just yourself which it sounds like you are in the tone of your email. You have guilt which says you know it's not all right. That's ok just take where you are today and work on ways.

I would highly suggest you read books on nutrition, healthy living and exercise...Take on a new mind set. Put your wings on and express a new you for you!! TAlk to your therapist about positive changes you are wanting in life....try to let go of the negatives. They won't help you tomorrow only the positive steps will. Start small...today I'm going to....(i.e. drink 8 glasses of water, talk a short walk, watch "The Secret", follow a Youtube video on Yoga, join a gym, etc...)

Ask yourself what do you want to see or be in 1 year, 5 years, 20 years, so on...close your eyes tonight and visualize and keep it positive. Someone healthy. Maybe hiking, on the beach, eating nutritious foods, visualize and it will be..best of luck.

Thank you for all the replies. I have been eating healthy balanced meals. I have been getting in the necessary nutrition and I have started a regular exercise regimen. I of course have gained a little bit of weight from the changes. But as soon as my body gets used to this healthy routine then it will gradually go down. I am now focusing on being healthy. I should get my date very soon. The holidays are coming so I am preparing to enjoy the holidays in moderation. I know this is off-topic but I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday and a healthy holiday. I pray that temptation isn't too tempting. Lol I realize the holidays are especially hard so I just wanted to wish everybody luck and strength.

Praying for you baby girl, you are the same age as my only son so even though you say you don't need mom and dad, I'll respond as if I was talking to my son. whatever you do, make sure you are healthy enough for the surgery and continue to get therapy if you need it. You should not be in denial since this can be deadly so if you believe in your heart that you need more therapy and need to get your body stronger before the surgery, listen to that inner voice, you have a lot of time to work with. God go with you and I sincerely wish you all the best and great success so you can have a normal life.

Great answer Ann. I always love reading your responses. On target and to the point