Here is my diatribe!

[savvyshamrock]

So some of this is about my upcoming sleeve and some of it is other stuff that's all jumbled in...

I'm really happy that my surgery date is fast approaching. Next week! OMG! =) But I really haven't had a chance to let it sink in.

Before the holidays there were lots of posts about to tell or not to tell and I voiced that I was going to tell my family after the holidays, which I did. And they were all super supportive, which I appreciate. I thought that after the whirlwind of the cross country shift to the holidays and then back again would die down and give me time to process...

I was wrong. Just after we got home my Grandmother passed. I was/am devastated. Of course I put myself back on a plane to Tennessee to be with my family and I ended up staying almost two weeks to help with all the arrangements, to start clearing her house out and all the mundane things that go along with it. It's the first trip I've ever been on where I was away from my husband and son. My husband is my main support system. We have a great relationship but he was working an a multi-billion dollar project at work and my son was in school so logistically it was the right choice... Though if it would have only been a multi-million I would have forced the issue. =)

When I was in TN I was the strong one, like is normal with my family. I'm the rock. The one that's always dependable and I really felt like I had to be there for everyone so I really didn't have to deal with my own feelings. I kept telling myself that once I got home where I'm "safe" we will deal with them.

Then I got home... On day two of my pre-op diet. Boy did I pick a great time to give up my crutches of eating and drinking tons of wine! I really just feel like even now, I'm not dealing with anything. I'm facing one obstacle after the other. First my grandmother now getting through my pre-op. I'm concerned that maybe it's all going to backlash after surgery and that terrifies me.

Anywhoo! I just needed to get that out there. Sorry to be the downer today! =) Even while away I still read through the posts before bed and I appreciate everyone who posts and replies because some of them are really helpful and amusing. =)

So here goes my countdown. By this time next week, I'll be sleeved. =)

[michelleb]

Yay, you're so close. So sorry about your grandma. P&PTs.

[Grace]

Hon I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandmother. I feel your pain. I was caregiver for 3 1/2 yrs to my dear Mother in Law who passed away on 12/22. Still cleaning out her house, been in the family since 1881 and there are 5 generations of stuff to go through. Add that I was there with her for the last 3 weeks 24/7 doing hospice at home and my stress level still hasn't faded much. Every time I walk in the house I relive it all. I was proud to be there but it was very hard.
I get the feeling that until I get that house all set and on the market at the end of the month I will not "exhale"...
It's extra hard to stay on track with all that stuff in your head. I get it.

I'd like to put this out there. There are some positives to being so wrapped up in other things you can't take time to obsess over surgery. While you are stressed in general, the surgery ends up being just another thing to deal with instead of a big mountain all on its own.
Also, death can help open doors for those left behind. It was after my Dad died in 2010 that I decided to have this surgery. I kept thinking how much he loved life, how he lived it to the fullest. And how I was definitely not doing so because the weight was holding me back. So, to honor his zest for life, I decided to take mine back.
In 8 days you will be taking your life back and honoring the generations that went before you by living yours to the fullest. You will have mandatory rest time after your surgery. Get a notebook and pens and keep them by the bed. After surgery, pour your heart out there if you need to. You will find the strength to get through this.
May your memories bring you peace.

[Kelly323]

Savvyshamrock & Grace, I'm sooo sorry for both of your losses. I lost my only sibling, my big brother 2 years ago. Half of my heart is gone, I will never ever be the same again. I turned to food and have gained like 60 pounds. I finally decided, that he wouldn't want me to be like this and he would want me to live my life and be happy.. He could always make me laugh. I miss him so much.. Anyway, I hope you both will get through your losses and know that you have angels up in heaven watching over you!

[Fluffy]

I'm sorry for your loss, it's never easy but it is easy to go back to our old ways. I guess this is when our resolve is tested. We made a decision to do the sleeve for the better of us and while there will be bumps in the road we can do it. I know it sounds corny but life is not a straight line we have to bend with it and we can do it.

I'll keep you and Grace in my thoughts and prayers.